writing with executive dysfunction
Apr. 25th, 2023 12:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itotoroThis just in: local girl does NOT have ADHD
disclaimer: this is not an executive dysfunction checklist. please do not use this to diagnose yourself.
Initially was planning to write a post about writing with ADHD BUT: i got assessed recently and I do not meet the criteria. However, two things were confirmed by science:
1. your girl is Good with words
2. your girl has Executive Dysfunction
I sat down with my assessment report, read through it a few times, and saw things that made me go hey, isn't that interesting? Things I've previously noticed about the way I wrote and worked that now make a whole lot more sense. And these things aren't just applicable to me, but they also happen to anyone whose brain is too tired to be Executive on some days.
So here's a list!
1. Brain Flex, Or: Sometimes, you need help to stretch
One characteristic of executive dysfunction is lower brain flexibility. It takes a while for the mind to pivot in new directions, such as when coming up with new ideas or having to follow a new set of instructions. This happens to me when i'm plotting a story and I can't seem to figure out what happens next. Brandon Sanderson famously recommends that simply going through the motions helps with figuring things out; however, this doesn't work for me. What does happen is that I try, I get stuck, then I think it's my fault and I'm a horrible writer and--
Then I talk to someone about my story. This action is, historically, the deciding factor for whether or not I can get a story off the ground. I talk to someone, we bounce back and forth for ideas, I get to something I've never considered before, then BAM! Writing! This is especially helpful for endings, where the brain (especially the executive function) works overtime to tie everything together.
Turns out that talking to other people about these pursuits is what helps my brain stretch. Just like a stiff body before a big game: sometimes you need someone to pull on your muscles before you're ready to go.
2. Time blindness, Or: Did a tree fall in a forest if there's no one there to hear it?
Another characteristic of executive dysfunction is time blindness, or weakness in gauging the passing of time. I'd describe my experience like this: I never maximize my video game screen or go on fullscreen mode for youtube videos because the moment I stop looking at the clock, I will lose track of the day. An hour passes by like a minute if I'm not careful. All the time.
This bleeds into my writing style in a very interesting way: my tendency to narrate everything.
Even in my very first stories, I had this compelling need to write down every action beat, every breath, every second that ticks by. This is why many of the stories I wrote were limited to a single place or time--because I couldn't illustrate the passing of time without chronicling it by the second. This tendency was pointed out by my mod during Olymfics 2021, after I had her read an unnecessarily lengthy jogging scene for etdosab.
Her advice: leave it to the imagination. It's up to the reader to flesh out the trees in the forest, the wind that changes as spring turns to fall. I need to let go of the clock sometimes, so that at the most important moments I can grip the reader with my narrative.
3. Working memory, or: brain shrinky wwhen stress
Going back to the writing process instead of the style, another characteristic of executive dysfunction is having a weak working memory. Working memory is the short-term memory, or the RAM of the brain; it helps with immediate recall of details, which is linked to focus and attention. I scored an average in my working memory test, but my examiner noticed that I had a tendency to over-review my answers or have to go back to remember and confirm instructions. This would get worse when the tests had a speed component. In short, pressure constricts my brain.
This, together with my lower brain flexibility, makes it hard to remember the story I'm writing. As some folks say: out of sight, out of mind. If I can't see what happened a few paragraphs back, I can't come up with what happens a few paragraphs forward. This makes outlining very nebulous a task for me, resulting in stilted plot and flat stories, or simple stories that I can write in one sitting (one problem set in one location, over one day).
To work with my brain, I write and revise in chronological order. It's easier for me to keep track of the character's journey while also discovering what I need to research about, and each pass gives me a bird's eye view of the themes and arcs of the story. It takes a lot longer than writing scenes of an outline and it's harder for me to stay motivated, but this method stops me from accidentally writing two stories at once. This also gifted me stories like etdosab and you are my beginning, you know? (the latter is interesting because I wrote Dahyun's journey first then added in the Tzuyu parts after; technically chronological, but this is a process I can explore moving forward). So until I figure something better out, this'll do.
In sum: maybe executive dysfunction is kind of cool too.
That's all for executive dysfunction, folks!
Bonus: Chasing the rabbit
Not related to my executive dysfunction but still interesting to note is my examiner's observation of my cognitive processing style. An excerpt:
disclaimer: this is not an executive dysfunction checklist. please do not use this to diagnose yourself.
Initially was planning to write a post about writing with ADHD BUT: i got assessed recently and I do not meet the criteria. However, two things were confirmed by science:
1. your girl is Good with words
2. your girl has Executive Dysfunction
I sat down with my assessment report, read through it a few times, and saw things that made me go hey, isn't that interesting? Things I've previously noticed about the way I wrote and worked that now make a whole lot more sense. And these things aren't just applicable to me, but they also happen to anyone whose brain is too tired to be Executive on some days.
So here's a list!
1. Brain Flex, Or: Sometimes, you need help to stretch
One characteristic of executive dysfunction is lower brain flexibility. It takes a while for the mind to pivot in new directions, such as when coming up with new ideas or having to follow a new set of instructions. This happens to me when i'm plotting a story and I can't seem to figure out what happens next. Brandon Sanderson famously recommends that simply going through the motions helps with figuring things out; however, this doesn't work for me. What does happen is that I try, I get stuck, then I think it's my fault and I'm a horrible writer and--
Then I talk to someone about my story. This action is, historically, the deciding factor for whether or not I can get a story off the ground. I talk to someone, we bounce back and forth for ideas, I get to something I've never considered before, then BAM! Writing! This is especially helpful for endings, where the brain (especially the executive function) works overtime to tie everything together.
Turns out that talking to other people about these pursuits is what helps my brain stretch. Just like a stiff body before a big game: sometimes you need someone to pull on your muscles before you're ready to go.
2. Time blindness, Or: Did a tree fall in a forest if there's no one there to hear it?
Another characteristic of executive dysfunction is time blindness, or weakness in gauging the passing of time. I'd describe my experience like this: I never maximize my video game screen or go on fullscreen mode for youtube videos because the moment I stop looking at the clock, I will lose track of the day. An hour passes by like a minute if I'm not careful. All the time.
This bleeds into my writing style in a very interesting way: my tendency to narrate everything.
Even in my very first stories, I had this compelling need to write down every action beat, every breath, every second that ticks by. This is why many of the stories I wrote were limited to a single place or time--because I couldn't illustrate the passing of time without chronicling it by the second. This tendency was pointed out by my mod during Olymfics 2021, after I had her read an unnecessarily lengthy jogging scene for etdosab.
Her advice: leave it to the imagination. It's up to the reader to flesh out the trees in the forest, the wind that changes as spring turns to fall. I need to let go of the clock sometimes, so that at the most important moments I can grip the reader with my narrative.
3. Working memory, or: brain shrinky wwhen stress
Going back to the writing process instead of the style, another characteristic of executive dysfunction is having a weak working memory. Working memory is the short-term memory, or the RAM of the brain; it helps with immediate recall of details, which is linked to focus and attention. I scored an average in my working memory test, but my examiner noticed that I had a tendency to over-review my answers or have to go back to remember and confirm instructions. This would get worse when the tests had a speed component. In short, pressure constricts my brain.
This, together with my lower brain flexibility, makes it hard to remember the story I'm writing. As some folks say: out of sight, out of mind. If I can't see what happened a few paragraphs back, I can't come up with what happens a few paragraphs forward. This makes outlining very nebulous a task for me, resulting in stilted plot and flat stories, or simple stories that I can write in one sitting (one problem set in one location, over one day).
To work with my brain, I write and revise in chronological order. It's easier for me to keep track of the character's journey while also discovering what I need to research about, and each pass gives me a bird's eye view of the themes and arcs of the story. It takes a lot longer than writing scenes of an outline and it's harder for me to stay motivated, but this method stops me from accidentally writing two stories at once. This also gifted me stories like etdosab and you are my beginning, you know? (the latter is interesting because I wrote Dahyun's journey first then added in the Tzuyu parts after; technically chronological, but this is a process I can explore moving forward). So until I figure something better out, this'll do.
In sum: maybe executive dysfunction is kind of cool too.
That's all for executive dysfunction, folks!
Bonus: Chasing the rabbit
Not related to my executive dysfunction but still interesting to note is my examiner's observation of my cognitive processing style. An excerpt:
Certain aspects of [...] cognitive processing style emerged under certain conditions. Sometimes, she tends to get “cognitively pulled” to salient details while missing more nuanced ones, when she must navigate open-ended tasks as well as new and unfamiliar topics/situations. This can sometimes make it difficult for one to readily consider alternative explanations to things and may get stuck with one point of view. [...] The tendency to get “pulled” can also impact on how one proceeds a task or an idea, organizes her thoughts, and conveys her point when reasoning out verbally. Specifically, [...] may initially proceed in an organized or systematic manner but get pulled to more salient elements along the way resulting in tangentiality of thought or a disorganized approach to a task.
I will not survive as a ranger in Pacific Rim. The End.
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Date: 2023-10-09 02:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-12 06:29 am (UTC)